Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #4

[HPoirot]

Thank you so much everyone for posts on my bad angry behavior failure. I'm in a good place right now and can't even imagine why I let it get so bad. Being told by my W that I'm childish was a deep slap in the face. That and being told in red text to grow the F up. I am ashamed and I will use that feeling to change.

Went to the fair. Good PMA. Did great. W was greeting parents. She is very involved and popular at S12's school. Greeted her with smile. She stayed away from me. At the end, I was telling S12 I was leaving. He asked me about that and I said he would go home with his mom. He did not know that would be happening so he started to get upset. W came over and stood next to me. She told him they would talk about it later. I touched her arm and told her I was going back to work. Smiles. Walked away. No problem.

Realized in the handoff I forgot to pack S12's meds. Immediately texted W and said she could come by the condo and I would give them to her. Did not leave them at the front desk for her to pick up. She called before she arrived and I answered cordially. She asked me to bring one of his toys. I brought it and the pills down to her. Smiled at her and was cordial for real. Smiles. S12 was asleep so we were alone kind of. Said she didn't have his basketball for his practice tomorrow. I offered to go upstairs and get it and then did. Smiles. See you laters. Done.

I will keep that up.

...

Drove the to Crossfit gym to check it out tonight. It is 6 minutes from the condo. Barebones. Nice enough people. Nice enough fit young woman explained it all. I was not excited by the place or the people or to be outside and alone on an icy night. But the price is right and it's close and it's GAL and it's the only way forward so I'm committing myself to go to my first class tomorrow night. I have faith the excitement and interest will come in the first 5 minutes and become permanent soon after.

I'm also committing myself to go to a tango introductory class this Friday night. I know nothing about tango but have had an interest to learn. I feel fated to go as I met the teacher at the Champagne party GAL a few weeks ago. If my dance partner is as pretty as her... I will risk OW fantasies.

...

I am humbled with all the responses from vets and DBers I got over the past couple days to my terrible angry thrashing. It gives me hope that you take the time to encourage me, 2x4 me, and say I'm not hopeless and that I am moving in a good direction even with my backslides. I'm really hopeful that in the next few days I'll be feeling my sprits and energy rise in a joyful, healthy, and permanent way. I look forward to seeing that me in the mirror very soon.

I'll also do my homework Wonka and answer other posts from you wonderful people tomorrow. Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts here.

I'm in a good place now. I have not had a drink for a while. Not eating great yet but getting there. Feeling good about recommitting to enjoying my own picnic in my own sandbox. Ready for my IC tomorrow. Have a vision for where I want to be in my life by July 1. Getting back to it 100% in the morning.

Off to sleep.

Thank you all again.