train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[twinmom]

Train, thank you. I fully get what you are saying. I agree 110%. I don't want to be a doormat, I agree he doesn't deserve me. And on some level I know he doesn't want me.

I think I allowed us to get into this situation because it was easy. It was easy to have some help with the kids, it was easy to have someone to talk to at night, it was easy sex......

I don't like where we are right now because it leaves me kind of wanting more. H isn't willing to give more now.

I asked him last night what his faults were and what he was working on, he was seeing a therapist on his own for a while... He said he didn't want to share that with me because it wouldn't change my mind about wanting a divorce so why bother. (He doesn't know I am thinking about not divorcing. He thinks the sex is just sex for me.)

Today I woke up with a migraine, full blown vomiting/eyes couldn't focus/sensitive to any sound & light. H called off work, took the older boys to school and then took care of the kids all day. I was thankful for him today.