OK then, I will decline her invitation. I can see the point. I can benefit emotionally from the break.

Can I get help on the reply? What I may write.

"Thanks for the invitation. I'll pass though. We both have stuff to live and think through and it's better for now that we limit our interactions to a minimum and about the kids. Hope you understand."

What I want to write.

"Sorry, I'd rather not have lunch just now. I can't be friendly anymore while I process you leaving me like this so quickly despite the love, kids and marriage."

Of course, I've been friendly before: email banter, 30-minute phone call before her Holiday flight, lunch in September and November...

I'd like to slip a reference in there suggesting it applies as long as there's an OM. But that means acknowledging OM (never done that) and that I believe it won't last.

M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.