One of my big problems has been my attitude towards what I will put up with (aka boundary). I've been a mix between 'I will not live in an open M' and 'I will wait patiently until my W ends her A and comes back to our M.' This is not to knock anyone on here, but I can't envision myself remaining in a M in which my W openly has an A, talks to me about OM, etc. On the same token, my goal when first posting my story was to win my W back, knowing that at least (at that time) an EA was going on.
W and I have lived apart for almost 16 mos now. I have had very little intel during that time and her friends were obviously not going out of their way to share info with me. So all I had to go on was W's word. When I find out that she's lied to me (like the OM/BFF dinner weeks ago), I'm upset. I feel vulnerable when I put myself out there to W, willing to forgive and move forward as friends, then to find out I've been lied to. I feel like my extending friendship to her has been taken advantage of. I feel hurt. I don't want friends who lie to me. It's then that I react from a place of pain and act on my emotions.
I've had positive moments and I've done some things by the book, but I often only post the 'wrong' things I've done on here to get feedback. If I have a good interaction with W, I pat myself on the back. When something goes bad, I post on here- partly to journal and partly to receive constructive criticism. I guess that's my way of saying I am listening to the advice I receive, but I have a long way to go.
