Mozza (7) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

I went back to my copy of DR to see what MWD says for these situations.

The first relevant passage is on pages 129-130 in the LRT section and it covers situations where WAS have moved out.

The second possible response from your mate is that she becomes curious. She might start showing more interest in you, your whereabouts, and what you are up to in your life. Your spouse might even suggest you spend sometime together to talk or do something enjoyable. It's also possible that your spouse might start asking you a lot of questions about your sudden changes. If any of these things begin to happen, here's my advice:

- Be loving in return, but not overly excited or enthusiastic.
- Accept some invitations to spend time together, but not all.
- Do not ask any questions about your future together.
- Be vague when asked questions about changes in you. Say that you are just thinking things through.
- Continue to be upbeat.
- Do not say "I love you."
- Resist getting into conversations about your marriage.
- Beat your spouse to the punch when it comes time to leave or separate from each other at the end of an activity. You set the tone for going your separate ways.

The general rule of thumb here is to be responsive to your partner's new interest, but not too responsive. If you go overboard, your partner could get cold feet.

Regarding the OM, there's a section on the "After the LRT" on pages 218-219.

Sometimes, even after you've done all the right things, your spouse still refuses to stop seeing the OP. (...)

However, you shouldn't do it unless you are prepared to end your marriage because that's just what it might do. However, it might serve as a wake-up call to your spouse. It's hard to predict what will happen.

Tell your spouse that you love her enough that you are prepared to let go, then back off completely. Don't spend time together. Don't speak on the phone unless it's about the children. Have as little face-to-face contact as possible. Don't do nice things anymore. Don't call. Don't email. Don't initiate contact of any sort. Don't allow your spouse to feel that there is a relationship between you any longer. Continue this emotional cutoff until your spouse gets that there will be no relationship of any sort until and unless the OP is completely out of the picture.

It sounds like I need to make some kind of statement about letting go and not wanting any contact outside the kids stuff as long as she's with OM. I've already told her that I was letting her go though, at DB. Maybe I should just speak with my actions and politely decline the invitation without further explanation?