Trust me -- I did not want to go to the therapy sessions this early... My MLCer is determined to do everything as quickly as possible and she was going to IC already. She wanted to begin discussing separation logistics ASAP on our own (which I knew would be horrendous, painful, and not a good situation for me) so I requested that we not begin those discussions until we could do so in JC with a thrid party present. Sooooo... She immediately offered up her very next IC as the first JC session.
Then cancel and stop going to the JC sessions. It is not helping at all. Of course, W is all anxious to get everything done RIGHT NOW. It is her MLC fog speaking. She's not being rational at all.
Cancel. For your own protection.
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
We have a lot of stuff to hashout -- house ownership/buyout (we both own it, but at different percentages because she was paying the full mortgage while I covered some of the utilities -- very unequal income levels), custody and schedule of who gets kids when, changes to wills and other legal docs, etc. Long list of stuff.
They can wait. Doesn't need to be done RIGHT NOW. Your W is operating on vapor of emotions and pushing you around. Don't let her ride roughshod over you.
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
Long story to the therapy stuff -- she absolutely needs to be in therapy right now for her own issues.
This is W's business and her choice to do it herself.
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
I was/am hoping that the JC can allow us to slow down the separation process.
I am not too sure about slowing it down as evidenced by yesterday's sesion. Another concern I that this is your W's IC so this person's alligence is to W. Those are the reasons why I'm urging you not to attend the sessions anymore.
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
Another goal of the JC going forward is also to help us work on our communication skills with each other and help us move toward being friends who can co-parent our kids in as healthy a manner as possible.
I think it is a smokescreen to get to a S and dividing assets. I think you and W can communicate just fine without JC. You want to save the M, right?
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
However, I do need to figure out a way to shift this back so she is doing IC again at the same time that we are doing JC.
Simply pull out of the JC. Then it'll be just W and IC to work on her stuff.
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
As for me staying in the house... I did state that I don't have to move out (b/c name is on deed), and she immediately got very angry and said "If you want to go there then this can get really ugly really fast" -- which I interpreted to mean she would seek a court order to get me out. She backed off of that when I simply restated my concerns over moving out without being employed full time. This eventually led to her stating that if I am not moving out ASAP then she needs to go off on this "silent retreat."
Do NOT move out of the house. If he brings it up, calmly inform her that "I am staying here as the kids need us. If you are having a problem with this, then you can move out. I am sorry that you're feeling this way and hope you can find some peace."
Then put on your bright pink spew jacket for W will spew at you. Don't try to defend yourself. It is all on her for feeling miserable and she's taking out her MLC angst toward you.
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
Immediately after BD I noticed a ton of stereotypical MLC behavior -- seriously: the script, younger clothing, new haircut (with light purple highlights), EA w/younger OW... the only thing missing is a little red sports car. So I instantly starting reading everything I could on MLC. I know that I didn't break her and I can't fix her.
You might want to bring your cabana over to the MLC forum to get more support from the very understanding LBSes of MCLers.
Cadet, can you pretty please post the link of my thread A Voyage Into The Mind of A MLCer?? There's a tantalizing prize for ya, buddy.
