I feel like so much has changed the last few months. Hindsight from the past has completely changed. Maybe things weren't as good as I imagined them. Regardless, I don't feel my XH was a bad person. He just had a misconception that marriage was supposed to be easy, that we should never work out problems, and live in one concrete world of his. I now believe he was suffering from depression and projected a lot of his own desires to change by putting expectations on me. Being away from him, a lot of things that I was depressed about during the marriage have faded away. I do believe sadly, that his depression effected me because he refused to get help for it.
However, given all that, I tried my best and did not grovel in the end. Now my life has flipped going upwards. I got a decent paying job, am still planning that trip to Spain in summer, and am still talking to my other guy. I feel rejuvenated and finally feel like things are positive. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and now feel sorry more so for my XH. Mainly because he lost and took for granted a great person. :P But I have come to the point no longer hoping he will see the light, but just that he will be happy one day like I have found it. True happiness I think can come after forgiveness and understanding.
My goals this new year are to continue what I'm doing and keep moving forward.
