Finally got the necessary financial info from H, and requested appointment with L to work on separation and parenting agreement proposal. In some way it's surreal -- the interaction between H and me is all business, very calm and professional -- a tone I have promoted between the two of us. It's hard to imagine that the person I knew so intimately for 15 years is just no longer that person (and maybe I hadn't known him so well after all). But I am at peace with that, and with my decision to move forward on my own path.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Finally got the necessary financial info from H, and requested appointment with L to work on separation and parenting agreement proposal. In some way it's surreal -- the interaction between H and me is all business, very calm and professional -- a tone I have promoted between the two of us.
Ahoy, my IC thought I was crazy because H and I sat down at Starbucks to go over the S agreement before H moved out. It was all business.
Thanks guys! rppfl, it's funny because a friend of mine who is about half a year ahead of me in the divorce process called to tell me that his XW called and tried to beg him to take her back -- three months after the D was final (she left because she was interested in another man). So I'm not at all surprised that your H is flirting. The problem with narcissists is that they always want your attention -- be it positive or negative. The only way to stay sane is to back away as quickly and cleanly as possible. Best of luck with that!
My H and I have been slowing preparing our D14 for the upcoming move while keeping things vague. She knows that change is coming, but I've told her that when we know what our plan is we will sit down and discuss it together as a family. For the time being, H is pursuing job options elsewhere and I am trying to figure out what is best for my economic stability.
The bottom line, of course, is that I'm moving back to my home state, and want D14 to come with for school. i think H will agree because otherwise her presence interferes with his dating life (something he'd never admit but is nonetheless true).
We've both told her that regardless of what happens we will be sure to both have ample time with her, and keep our relationships with her strong, and that we both love her unconditionally.
D14 cried a bit tonight. She said she was crying because H said to her that he still loved many things about me, but we have too many differences. These differences are supposedly in the way we run our households -- something all couples face. I told her that for most marriages, that kind of thing is something to be worked on, not a reason for divorce. However, having a girlfriend when you are married is a reason for divorce, and that is the real reason why we are moving down this path. I know that's treading into risky territory, but I don't think my D14 should grow up thinking that you should throw away a marriage because one person likes to have the dishes clean and the bills paid and the other one could care less. Sigh.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
What have you said to her regarding how your M deteriorated? One of my biggest motivations in life is to ensure my D2 grows up knowing how a healthy M is built, something neither I nor WAW learned from our parents.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I haven't said anything to her about how the marriage deteriorated, because I didn't know it had. He, on the other hand, has told her that we are "incompatible" in how we manage the household (I did all the work, he did none by his choice). He told her we hadn't been getting along for years, which is a complete lie (he was writing me love notes just two weeks before BD). But he also told her that he has a girlfriend and had been lying to her about if for several months. So I think, as a teenager, she has a pretty good idea of what's really going on.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Just found out my aunt has been diagnosed with breast cancer. My first thought? "I hate H." Why? Because he was supposed to be here for me through thick and thin and cancer and nonsense. And it ticks me off that I continue to waste mental energy on him that I could be spending elsewhere. But that's on me. It's my job to refocus. And truly I don't want to be with him anymore.
I spent yesterday throwing out photos and such. I was cleaning out a file cabinet and came across all my brain surgery documents. It made me sad. Part of me can't help thinking: I stood by him for all those years, through school, unemployment, disasters, etc. and he ditched me shortly after my diagnosis for a younger woman. Where is the karma bus when you need it? I did install a file cabinet lock all by myself, which made me feel good.
Bracing for a long meeting with lawyer on Tuesday to map out proposal for dissolution.
In the meantime, H's boss asked me to give a lecture on my work at the college where he works. Awkward, much? I'll get a nice honorarium. I hope H doesn't show up.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
My uncle cheated on his first wife repeatedly for years. But when they finally divorced, he realized he had to change his ways, and he did. Married the ow, had two kids with her, they've been married 20 years. But now he has terminal cancer. Youngest daughter is sixteen. He's unlikely to see another Christmas, let alone see her graduate high school or whatever. He's 66 I'd say the karma bus is hitting their family pretty hard. Be careful what you wish for.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
