Trust me -- I did not want to go to the therapy sessions this early... My MLCer is determined to do everything as quickly as possible and she was going to IC already. She wanted to begin discussing separation logistics ASAP on our own (which I knew would be horrendous, painful, and not a good situation for me) so I requested that we not begin those discussions until we could do so in JC with a thrid party present. Sooooo... She immediately offered up her very next IC as the first JC session.
We didn't get very far in the session. I do like the therapist -- but of course, she is trying to control everything and keep it moving FAST. I am doing my best to drag it out and it looks like we will be in JC for "separation" for a while. We have a lot of stuff to hashout -- house ownership/buyout (we both own it, but at different percentages because she was paying the full mortgage while I covered some of the utilities -- very unequal income levels), custody and schedule of who gets kids when, changes to wills and other legal docs, etc. Long list of stuff.
Long story to the therapy stuff -- she absolutely needs to be in therapy right now for her own issues. I was/am hoping that the JC can allow us to slow down the separation process. Another goal of the JC going forward is also to help us work on our communication skills with each other and help us move toward being friends who can co-parent our kids in as healthy a manner as possible. However, I do need to figure out a way to shift this back so she is doing IC again at the same time that we are doing JC.
As for me staying in the house... I did state that I don't have to move out (b/c name is on deed), and she immediately got very angry and said "If you want to go there then this can get really ugly really fast" -- which I interpreted to mean she would seek a court order to get me out. She backed off of that when I simply restated my concerns over moving out without being employed full time. This eventually led to her stating that if I am not moving out ASAP then she needs to go off on this "silent retreat."
Not a good sitch at all... Especially since there is no legal marriage in place.
And I definitely understand that I am not the source of her unhappiness. Immediately after BD I noticed a ton of stereotypical MLC behavior -- seriously: the script, younger clothing, new haircut (with light purple highlights), EA w/younger OW... the only thing missing is a little red sports car. So I instantly starting reading everything I could on MLC. I know that I didn't break her and I can't fix her. Now that she is initiating a super-fast separation I am also recognizing patterns with our sitch and her previous relationships... So I know this has to do with unresolved issues from her past and not really with me or our R.
So I'm doing what I can to slow things down -- but also being cautious because if I stall too much it increases her bitterness and anger towards me.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
