My problem is that she wants me to take some responsibility for her A, which is not going to happen. I'll take a lot of the responsibility for setting the stage, but not for what she decided to do. She also claims she wasn't really in an A since they didn't have sex. I wonder if she would look at things that way if I got myself a GF but didn't have sex with her? (Rhetorical question, I'm not going to do that)
Actually it her problem that she wants you to take responsibility. For whatever reason (ease of guilt, etc.) the bottom line is that people are individually responsible for their own decisions.
No, she probably would not look at it the same if the shoe was on the other foot. Has she ever heard the term emotional affair? I bet she has, and for women an EA can be serious. I wouldn't write off so quick they never were physical. She can claim they weren't b/c you have no proof. The less proof you have, the less she has to own.
Starsky says something about how a WAS will usually tell the facts at least one level from the truth. The more I observe and learn, the more I am in agreement with him. However, I didn't say that so you would start pushing her about it. I want you to be prepared in case it comes out in the near future.
Absolutely true. I have taken full responsibility for my role in getting our marriage to this fragile place. This did force a lot of introspection (naturally); I allowed myself to get lazy and complacent in our marriage. I fell into the trap that many men do, thinking that once she's married to you, you can be off your game, and she'll stay with you based on your years together and investment in the marriage. The sad but true fact is that many people will drop their spouses like rotting meat if they find someone they think is a better fit. The years you spend together, the family you build together, and all the conveniently forgotten happy memories become worthless to a spouse in that state of mind.
I did plenty to drive the marriage car to the cliff; but she's smoking crack if she thinks that I'll take any responsibility for her decisions once OM showed up.
It did get physical. She told me a few weeks ago that they made out in his hotel room, but that she stopped it before it got to intercourse. The only reason that I might be inclined to believe that is I read a text from her to OM after the fact, where she talked about how hard she had found it to resist him that night. She doesn't know I can read her texts so I doubt that it was written for my benefit.
It's awfully ironic that her new definition of infidelity is one level above what she says she did with him. By her logic, I can do anything I want with anyone as long as there's no intercourse. Sounds like a deal to me! [/sarcasm]
I'm not going to push her about it. To be honest, how far they went is almost a detail to me at this point. The lying, the craziness, and the cruel things she's said to me (under the guise of "honesty") hurt far worse than what she and OM might have done one night. The only way I will ever find out is if she confesses. If she wants to take any secrets to her grave, that's her problem.
Last edited by Rzrback; 01/06/1506:24 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
