Little but FIERCE (Little's Thread #5)

[Little]

It's not the empty room that gets me. I'm okay being alone, as I'm an introvert. I can immerse myself in a book or play with the babies(what I call my cats) or whatever. I don't feel pain from being by myself and I actually soak it in and enjoy it most of the time.

That said, I have been doing a lot of GAL activities, and go out with friends and have fun. We go to dinner, concerts, shopping excursions to places like Ikea that are far away from where I live and fun to visit even if we're just browsing, and all that nonsense.

Then I go to work and I immerse myself in being busy and productive. I like my job, I'm good at it, and my naturally buoyant and friendly personality is an asset that makes me very successful at my job function (mostly patient interaction, I'm in the medical field).

YET: My mind still spins. I can apparently multitask all this GAL stuff AND my feelings and emotional thoughts. I still FEEL the craving for BF in my life as I'm going about my day, even in as simple terms as wanting to BS about something we both enjoy and/or sending silly jokes back and forth via texts.

Sometimes I'm perfectly okay and I realize I haven't thought about it in a while and sometimes it sits in my brain and won't go away. Even more oddly, usually I have great PMA, even in times when I'm focusing on crap that I shouldn't be. The logical side of my brain that is very intelligent and KNOWS THINGS (for the best, all things in their own time, BF is seriously in need of working on himself, that R is over; but there's always hope....whatever) but does not match up with the emotional side of my brain that FEELS THINGS SO DEEPLY (missing H, upset this happened, feeling abandoned, jealous of OW, whatever).

It's odd, having okay PMA and still feeling like there's a boulder sitting in my gut. It's so weird to be able to rationalize things and yet some how STILL unable to let them go emotionally.


I need to find some way to stop this and TRULY DETATCH.