I do think now he might have been cheating. I don't think that was an idle question. The only reason to ask if it was an std is if he thought id gotten it that way, since I had been negative with D11. Between the two of us he's the one with the opportunity to stray. I certainly never went anywhere but church, book club, and yoga.
There were several times in our marriage when he would do something new in bed and I wondered where that came from -- especially in the last five years.
He traveled a LOT. And I strongly feel (in retrospect) that there was at least some boundary crossing before the OW I know about, if not actual sex happening.
He set up the Tinder account at the time he told me specifically he wasn't going to date. He violated every agreement we made when I agreed to the separation (and he wrote the separation agreement himself). He can't be trusted.
I don't know that your husband has cheated or not. I do know that I work with people learning about GBS everyday and the question he asked is common for both husbands and wives because no one knows about it until pregnant and need tested.
It's not an STD and women can test positive and negative many times throughout their lives. It is what it is.
Whether you reconcile with your H or not is a side issue. I want you to be whole. I want everyone to be whole. It seems to me looking from the outside that you are building a case. I think I mentioned before the self-fulfilling prophecy, when our mind interprets happenings to match the narrative we've created to keep us safe.
Our WASs do much the same when they decide they can't stay. They tell their, what is it we call it here, revised history of the marriage and we all stand, mouth agape thinking "That's not how I recall things."
We can't live our lives based on our interpretations of what people say. If you're really curious, ask him what he means. Maybe his new sexual moves were things he read about to see if he couldn't spice things up. If you were suspicious, did you ask him at the time?
Tinder-schminder, most of the people on here have a spouse or themselves with some kind of account soon after BD. They want to see what's out there.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
