Riding the rollercoaster

[dawgy]

Well people W is still under our roof . Shes showing no signs of leaving and hasnt threatened me in a couple months .When I look back at the cruelty she subjected me to I feel sick to my stomach . Forgiveness isnt looking to easy and as far as forgetting the pain caused . That will never happen .
Interestingly enough though I find my self still sexually attracted to her even though I consider her to be tainted now . Hmmmm , a topic of conversation with my therapist i would say .
Anyway here is my dilema as of today . W has been fairly pleasant and has not really shown any signs of the affair still being alive so maybe its the truth .I want back in our bed . The two of us side by side . There doesnt have to be any touching, any sex , we dont have to even share blankets but i want us to start healing and that is a step that I am adamant about .
Im to the point now if she wont do this I want her to leave . The relationship is garbage now if we cant share our marital bed . Im finish with sleeping alone . I want to see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. Shes been much nicer and interactive in the last few weeks and now that she knows that I dont care if she leaves shes lost her control over me . Any suggestions ????? Dawgy