That's what fear is though, living in the future. I keep trying to lean into my fears but that means I'm leaning into the future. How can I reframe that, maybell? If fear is a lighthouse we are all supposed to move towards, why are we all not moving towards divorce since we all fear that??
Don't move towards the DIVORCE. Move towards being the person you want to be, the one you would be if you didn't fear the divorce itself. The person you wouldn't let yourself be while you were trying to cope with family life. Adapt to that positive image. Let the details of the divorce (if it happens) and separation be just bumps you navigate while moving towards the life you've imagined for yourself.
For me, the fear was about knowing that if I choose for myself then I'm choosing to go where I know my H won't follow. The problem with that is, a good partner/spouse won't force that kind of a choice on me. He'll let me know which parts he will walk with me, which parts don't appeal, and why. And then we can plan the journey together. But even if there are parts of the path my good spouse doesn't want to walk with me, I as a whole person will remain appealing to him, because he can see qualities in me that he loves in the journey I choose, and he'll want to nurture those good qualities.
I think you're EXCELLENT at adapting. Look at what your life has been like. All you've done is adapt. Now you've gotten to a place where you're tired of bending and you want someone else to bend.
You're on a rocky road with a boulder in your path. It's blocking your view but if you look around it you'll see a beautiful vista, with sky and all kinds of unimaginable things. Maybe your H will go around the boulder another way and meet you there to see the view. Maybe he'll fall down a ravine or get lost or see a different view that you find less appealing. Don't let that keep you from going around the boulder.
Hey, do you or your D have the Dr. Seuss book "Oh The Places You'll Go"? It's one of my favorites. You should read that today.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
