Really too late....

[mahhhty]

Lost - I just finished a book. It is the Solo Partner by Phil Deluca. It was recommended by someone in one of the threads. It has a great section on Pursuers & Distancers.

And I quote, "Pursuers prefer to deal with problems rather than avoid them, and they tend to be open to new ideas rather than resistant to them. They are ready for change and willing to put the necessary effort into it, in contrast to a distance's willingness to wait, seemingly forever. In addition, the pursuers are the obvious losers in the pursuit-distance dance and are more tired, frustrated and unhappy than the distance (or at least, more aware of being unhappy).... Despite an apparent disregard for the relationship, the distance has more to lose than the pursuer if things change in their relationship. The distance will have to give up more if the pursuer's life no longer revolves around him, and he will learn to give as well as take.

For these reasons, the pursuer is more motivated to initiate change. A distance will rarely initiate change and never changes in response to direct efforts by others. He will change only when he fears losing his pursuer, and this can happen only when the pursuer stops her pursuit. Distances tend to change in direct proportion to how much their pursuers modify their pursuit... Pursuers complain that this isn't fair or reasonable, and I agree. But in my experience, this is nonetheless the way it is and must be dealt with, regardless of whether or not it is right or reasonable."

A lot of people in here (Definitely including me) need to continue to work on us for us. Then with hope the pursuer becomes the distancer and the distancer becomes the pursuer.