UR, I appreciate you asking about whether I'm going nc with him for me or for a reaction. I'm asking myself that a lot these past two days. I can say honestly that the no contact is for me but the anger towards him about it is for reaction and since he's not around to witness my anger, it's kind of silly and self-destructive, no? I need to figure out how to maintain no contact and still be detached without coldness. It's more of an art than a skill, I'm finding.
I think I'm exemplifying strength to my D, as much as I can. I'm trying to exemplify strength to myself as much as I can.
The fear you ask? Oh I have so many. Being alone. Unloved. Without a partner. Financially strapped. Being divorced. Being a divorcee. Selling the house. My daughter being a child of divorce. Dating (barf). Trusting anyone again. Loving anyone again. Letting my guard down again.
I keep getting stuck in the swamp on this treacherous journey.
I feel very alone in all this. I know no one who is divorced. My closest living relative is in Boston (I'm in CA). My friends are dropping like flies as far as support... I'm standing, but I feel like the earth around me is scorched and barren.
