Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #4

[HPoirot]

Hello everyone... many thanks for all your wonderful advice and support.

Just to clarify... we just started living apart 3 weeks ago over the holidays. We did have a agreed schedule for the next 3 weeks of school. It was on a shared online calendar app. W came up with the entire schedule and I agreed. Then, on her first night keeping S11, she said she couldn't do the schedule. There started the issue.

Also, I did go back in my threads for letter research. That was VERY HARD on me and on PMA. Not just how scared and clueless I was... but the lies W said and how I believed and wanted so much to believe them. It will be a while until I can read my whole story.

...

W just called me. I answered this time. I had been reading one of her speeches from a couple months ago.

She said she wanted to know how S12 was doing. I said he's fine.

Not mad. Just even. Not very friendly though.

She asked how I am doing. I said I'm fine.

She said I seemed angry with her when she saw me earlier. Asked why I was angry with her.

She repeated how she did not mean to say I didn't do well with S12's science project. "You looked at me so angry. Why were you so angry with me?"

I said W I'm fine. A little irritation.

She started talking about S12... how he was sad about his project and about how it made her cry. How when I saw them in the car he had gone through a panic attack with her in the car. Then about how well he recovered and how they had fun and how he did great redoing his science project with her at the coffee shop. She talked a lot... for a few minutes... and in good sprits.

I listened. Said that's great. I didn't say anything else.

Long pause.

She said something like... "you don't want to talk about this?"

"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"Only the 20 things I've texted you about."

"Well, email me what you want to talk about and I'll get back to you."

"We need to sit down and talk. Have a conversation."

Longer pause.

"I'm going to get S12 ready for bed. I'll talk to you later."

I hang up.

Later, she emails me... "Hey here are the changes S12 made!" and a document of S12's revised data for his project.

Like nothing's wrong.

...

Just in this one thread you've all given me great advice... step back and breathe... be empathic... how you respond is about you... stop being ornery... think about my expectation treating her this way.

What is my expectation? What should I leave her thinking after we interact?

That I'm done and gone. Oh... and happy about it. I'm missing that.

So I'm dark with my unrepentantly wayward W. I have taken off my ring. I'm getting better at cordial just cordial. Sandi said she's reaching for conversation and tonight she seemed to try one when I picked up the phone. I've been advised being nice to my W does not mean I'm letting her take advantage of me. If I keep punishing her I'll lose any tiny chance with her.

But she has to know I'm angry. How can I be anything but angry?

I'm still missing the line between punishing and being firm confident moving on guy.

I'm just not getting this right. Maybe I'll respond to her email with some praise.

"Nice work helping S12 W."

Praise for my WAW.

I'll read all your advice again and I'll sleep on it.

I'll get it right soon.

I will.