train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[Train]

Girlfriend, I can only speak for myself. But you're gonna have to give me *a lot* more details for me to be able to tell you what my particular course of action would be if I were in your shoes.

Here's why, in a nutshell (and in your own words):

in his words "I am so scared of the work it would take to fix things with you" "I am too far in a hole to ever dig myself out" and "I love you but I just don't have those in love feelings for you"

before I even realized what was happening he was in my bed every night and kissing my forehead goodbye every morning.


Those two things simply don't jive when I envision a long-term, happy, *healthy* M. Or even the *possibility* of a truly successful reconciliation attempt.

So let me ask you this: What are YOU getting from this relationship, as it stands right now? Are you thinking of the future? Or just the "here-and-now"?

I'm asking this with NO judgment. Truth be told: I think many people - mostly women - base decisions to stay in a M on more than just whether love is there. Some base their decision on finances. Others base it on the children. (If I'm being brutally honest, I just named the two biggest motivating factors in me deciding to try to save my M; I made that decision based on my children and their future ... and I knew my heart could love my H ... yes, with hesitations ... again.) I'm not saying that's GREAT. I'm just saying it IS. (And before anyone wastes their time criticizing me for that, seriously save your breath for the next person who believes in unicorns farting rainbows.)

The thing is, twin, I've kinda gathered from your posts since forever ago that you still really love your H. And that's my concern. Because he's already making excuses for why he's not ready to do the hard, uncomfortable work to really - if I'm being honest - fall in love with you again. (And, yes, that CAN be done ... but I'm not sure I've read even one post that makes me think your H wants - or is ready - to.) So if you're thinking of pursuing this because you genuinely love him, my fear is that you're going to end up hurt. Again.

But, sweetie, it's YOUR life. Not ours.

Be real with us. Not "tough twin." REAL twin. And tell us what it is you're hoping for here.

Big hugs to you, honey. (And, no, you're not crazy.) xoxo