Day 2 of serious no contact. I still hurt but I had a brief moment of feeling ok on my way to work. These brief moments help. I have way more moments of doomsday and despair but I'm trying to see the silver lining.
I see my IC tomorrow and I fear I may sob for 50 minutes straight. And man, I could use hugs. I need some tight squeezes. My poor kid, I make her hug me all the time. I even got a hug from a coworker today, whom I hardly know, because I just needed to feel touch and companionship.
I appreciate all of your support and kindness. I think I could use some serious 2x4s. I can take it. I really need strong perspective here. I'm no longer willing to play "BFF" with him and all this family hanging out is just too confusing for me. It's a farce all this "playing family". I deserve better.
So hit me. I need your 2x4s.
I'm reading a book on radical acceptance. Powerful book. I wish I could feel the openness and freedom that is talked about in the book but I think time will help. Onward with my meditation practice. Onward with boundaries. Onward with finding ways to love myself. Onward with struggling through the anxiety of loss and feelings of abandonment.
I read a FB post today by Elizabeth Gilbert and it said, "I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullchit."
I'm getting tired of my own bullchit. About time, right??
