Separated and Need HELP!

[KGirl]

You are right-- actions speak louder than words and right now his actions are saying D. Is it weird that I feel like H is walking off a cliff and I keep running after him telling him to stop, to turn back, that this isn't right? I just truly believe in my heart this is a mistake, that this isn't right. That we are giving up too easily. My IC keeps telling me to remember that this isn't my choice. But I always have this urge, this feeling, like I need to keep trying harder to keep him from making this huge mistake. I wonder if anyone else feels this way in situations like this?

It's not weird I have long felt that once my H got the idea of the D train started (he blurted it out in a way that makes it hard to believe he'd been thinking about it for "months" especially considering the week before we were having avid conversations about remodeling our basement), he just wasn't able to stop it. He even said "I don't want to go back on what I said." Sometimes I think of it as being a mistake but moreso in a "wow, he's really going to miss out, because I'm working really hard and being pretty awesome!" type of way. Other times I think "How can I possibly know if this will be a mistake or not? Can I see 5 years into the future? Can I know what is really best for us? Nope." I was reading an article yesterday written by a marriage counselor about how "couples owe it to their marriage to do everything possible before giving up, including counseling," and just yesterday even I was still thinking "hmm... what else can I do to get him to try to work on this with me?"

You know what? There isn't anything. We can't make people want to fix things or do the work if they are uninterested in change. We can do our work, and we can let them go so they can see what the life they want is like. Like Melissa said, it s*cks that it takes two people to get M but only one person has to want to end it. It's also a normal part of the grieving process to be angry - providing you do so appropriately (so, not doing things to hurt H or burn any bridges just in case, but doing things like writing angry letters that you don't send, pretending he is in a chair in front of you and saying everything you want to say to him, exercise, going somewhere where no one can hear you and screaming and crying if you have to).