Thanks for the replies. To be honest I had a heart to heart with my H and least for now its been great. We both have started to reinvest in all parts of our relationship. Some are more difficult then others but I celebrate the small wins.
Re Young at heart, thank you for your full response. For me the feeling of sex is multiple but the main thing is a physical connection, closeness and orgasm.
For my husband I really think its about the effort, he has no issues standing to attention in fact he can keep going after orgasm two or three times (hence me thinking I hit the jackpot in the first paragraph) He likes to feel loved kissing and cuddling is a quick and easy way to achieve that feeling. I also personally love his arousal and I very lucky that I am easily excited and orgasm very easily, so even that should make life easy for us. This has been confirmed recently and when we get into it he loves it.. I think he maybe one of those people who needs to write "I love sex" So he can get past the initial feeling of its too much effort.
In our heart to heart he did say he doesnt feel like he has an outlet for his general daily irritations and since then we have been talking much more about the things that stress him, which I think has helped. We lost a pregnancy 2012 and had some counselling, she was a sex therpist but then we found out i was pregnant so we couldnt explore that area. I suggested that he returned to her so he could have an outlet for his emotions as I think this is where the issues lie, he said it was a good idea but no action yet.
However at the moment its been good and keeping the lines of communication open and making effort and time is proving positive. So even if it doesn't last I am making the most of it now.
Re
Originally Posted By: DaddyLongShanks
Talk to people who are successfully having sex, this is the mindset you need. I wouldnt blab about your problem either.
Personally I didn't think the comment above was very helpful. I don't see talking about this issue as blabbing, which has very negative connotations. Its a very difficult situation for all involved and can feel very lonely and isolating. I know that talking doesn't solve the problem but obviously people need a connection. Otherwise why are we here? Society is much more comfortable talking about the inadequacies of women but not men and the love and respect for my husband leaves me in a difficult position even with my closest friends. You cant have a nice cup of tea and a rant with a laptop!
You don't "blab" about it because the ones who aren't having sex will think your just complaining and the ones who are will likely think you have some deficiency why your partner will not have sex with you.
I'd converse with people in a similar situation who are happy and who are having sex.
