My problem is that she wants me to take some responsibility for her A, which is not going to happen. I'll take a lot of the responsibility for setting the stage, but not for what she decided to do. She also claims she wasn't really in an A since they didn't have sex. I wonder if she would look at things that way if I got myself a GF but didn't have sex with her? (Rhetorical question, I'm not going to do that)
Actually it her problem that she wants you to take responsibility. For whatever reason (ease of guilt, etc.) the bottom line is that people are individually responsible for their own decisions.
No, she probably would not look at it the same if the shoe was on the other foot. Has she ever heard the term emotional affair? I bet she has, and for women an EA can be serious. I wouldn't write off so quick they never were physical. She can claim they weren't b/c you have no proof. The less proof you have, the less she has to own.
Starsky says something about how a WAS will usually tell the facts at least one level from the truth. The more I observe and learn, the more I am in agreement with him. However, I didn't say that so you would start pushing her about it. I want you to be prepared in case it comes out in the near future.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
