Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #4

[HPoirot]

Yes I know. FWIW I'll explain...

The science project work happened at the same time I found out the extent of my W's PA and confronted her that I knew it wasn't an EA and let her know she was not welcome in the condo. Those were the terrible days of screaming and cursing and threats and lies from her.

One of her reason's for me not to leave with S12 was S12's science project... that I was making it more difficult on him by moving early or at all. I was now the bad guy. Then, when she got nice and transparent before the move... she would offer to help with the project which I refused. Then there was the move and the first week of her calling anxious how S12 was. There was so much going on directly related to this sitch that yes I allowed S12's project to suffer. That was my fault and right I can't blame her.

And yes what she remembers or acknowledges doesn't even matter. I have a few simple things to do when it comes to her so just keep doing them, STFU, and keep my emotions in check.

Yes that is a better way to look at it... how would I counsel another DBer to handle these interactions with my W. Seems so simple looking at it that way. Breathe and step back. If I had done that... her reactions would have been very predictable.

Like, when I looked at her angry a month ago and she said "What did I do to you?" She is not focused on my feelings unless they make her feel better and she forgets events that don't fit her preferred story so me getting angry b/c she can't acknowledge what I'm going through doesn't help me.

I know I seem determined to be ornery. Truth is my default reaction is to hate someone who has treated me badly (and I've never been treated this badly) and react to that person accordingly and with force. I am learning now to look at the real reasons why my W is acting this way and to respond empathetically and humbly. I'm sure my life will change once I make that a habit.

Just keep going then.