You should definitely drop the betting games on the length of their R, exactly for the reason that Stockdale explains...the people who thought they would be home by Easter, then by Christmas were the ones that broke. You have no idea what's going to happen with your WAW. They could be broken up in a month. They could last 6 months. They COULD last forever. My FIL is married to his A partner. Their A started in the mid-to-late 90's. They are happily M (or so it seems...who knows with anyone, really).
I've thought a lot about the Stockdale Paradox. It's a little tricky to apply to our sitches. I've been hesitant to make "R my M with WAW" as my goal, because it so easily leads me to attachment, expectations and a downward spiral. If you do that, make SURE you keep equal focus on the negative realities ("she currently wants nothing to do with the M and I have nothing that allows me to expect that to change"), then focus on the task at hand, which is YOU. It took me 6 solid months to truly begin to do my work for ME, not for WAW or an expectation for our M. I always said it was only for me and D2, but I was lying to myself. It partially was, but there was always a part of me that thought, "I can't wait until WAW learns about what I'm doing!"
Stay strong, my friend!
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
