Wow guys, we all need to have some backyard barbecue. It would be so much fun to talk to people that have such connection.
TL, have been busy with my own nightmare but keep following your journey. It's a hard one, lots of ups and downs as predictable. Oh boy, we all go through the same process (+ or -).
I was in your wife's shoes one day, and I always felt less important then my H. He would tell me things about his job, successes, travels and I was very jealous. I have a BD, before being married to my H I had a very good job w/a very good pay. I came to US and soon got pregnant, that started a whole new era for me. Raising children and being a stay home mom.
My inferiority complex got worse and worse. H would come home and watch football, crash on a cough, sometimes not talking to me much. I was thirsty for some adult conversation. The money issue also got to me because it was always his money, not that he wants me to feel that way, but I did anyway.
It was like I need to ask permission for everything. Over the years I felt caged, oppressed by my own toughs. Came a time that my H finally agreed to do his Masters and I was there, I did it all so he could accomplish this. During this time it was all about him. I got a little book he left on the side of the bed and it said. Wife is not happy, not much help from there, she is not helping me.
I got angry, did not talk to him about, and hold the resentment. This resentment started growing a lot inside me and finally I decide to do something on my own. I wanted to prove that I was worthy. My H did not agreed to much but did not stand in my way. I proved I was capable, but I became empty, I want validation from my H and he was not there to give it to me.
He gave me the D talk exactly a week later that I asked him for a D. I distance myself from him so much, that I felt I was in an absolute fog. God was far from me.
I told my H since the beginning of our S that I feel really unhappy that our M is dying but I feel really happy that it happen because I woke up for reality, I no longer feel the desperation to prove I am worthy, I no longer feel I have no value.
I guess I am writing you just a perspective of the other side. I feel like it's the combination of two sides. My H was working hard to accomplish what he did. It's was a lot of work for school and yet keeping the food on the table. My nagging was unbearable for him, he did not have time to babysitting me. Now I get it, before I was blind.
I said to my H other day that giving myself to God again I feel that I do not need to walk behind anyone, nor before anyone, I can just grab God's hands and walk beside everyone.
I really hope that you and your W find a common ground and can heal your hearts. You both are young and learning how to live. You are a good person, with a good heart. Eventually she will evaluate the pros and cons and will find she can rebuilt a life with you.
Keep the good faith. And I think it is right to validate her as much as you can. My H is still firm about the D, but he has been validating my every action, my behavior, my achievements. At first it felt a little fake, but now it feels more genuine.
Now, there is one thing that made it all worse for me. I came to US from another country, born and raised in a different culture. I do not have any family here, it's just me and the friends I made here. I was stressful just by that.
You did not mention wife's family, that she can have some help from family members. Is there anyone on her side?
Also, go back to school does not mean you need to go somewhere, maybe she can do online classes, they are very handy and it is the same like being in a class itself.
I also mention in my tread that my insecurities came to the M with me, I have some childhood wounds that made it easier to hide behind bad feeling and feel incapable. I want all the answers in my H and of course it all went downhill eventually.
Of course you can't fix your W neither live her life. But I just tough you can think that maybe she really needs to fix herself or she will never find herself as it is.
I will be praying for you to find you inner peace and help you to choose the right path.
