I have been with my wife for 20 years. Married for 11.5. We were high school sweet hearts. We only split up for a few months in that whole time when I first went away to college. We have 3 kids 8(S) 7(D) and 2(S). I am pretty sure that the majority of our issues started right around the time my 2nd son was born. I took a new job that had me traveling fairly frequently and my wife became a stay at home mom and was no longer active in the business that she owned and operated. After 2 years(this past July), we closed the business and my wife went back to school. While at school, I stopped traveling for a few months and in hindsight I believe I became depressed. My wife began to only focus on her schooling at the expense of our relationship(already non existent) but more importantly our 3 kids. While at school, she began an emotional affair with a classmate. A career loser who trades sex charged comments with porn stars on social media and lives at home with his parents at almost 40.(I know not helpful but it helps to vent). I also think I was witness to the turn from friends to affair partners based on my observation of her email and facebook accounts.
After the affair was exposed, the intense lying began. She would create elaborate lies involving multiple people including our babysitter in order to hide her interactions with the OM. We have been through 4 strikes of her not communicating with him. Each time the severity of the contact becoming less and less. Going from planned meetings to texts through other people. I believe that the contact has stopped as of early December but I have my doubts. She has spent the last month or more in complete ambivalence with all actions and words pointing towards being a walk away wife. On 12/28 she told me she cant work on her ambivalence without focus time to think. The kids and her created distractions weren't allowing her time to think. So I threw her out for 3 days. During that soul searching she determined that she doesn't think she wants to end our marriage but doesn't know what she feels or what she wants to feel. She did, however, say that she wants to try and make things work but is in favor of a controlled seperation. She says she hates herself and can't forgive herself for not trying to work on our marriage when she knew it was in trouble and for the whole EA and the baggage that comes along with it.
Her words and actions since then are still very much like I would expect from someone who is planning her departure. She is using me to finish her schooling so she can support herself.
