Sunshine- I had read some of your posts but not your entire story. I am so sorry you had to endure all of that. I think how lucky I am that H drove away cross country and to the OW. There is so much I don't know and like others have written, I don't want to know. I too had lost my mother just two years prior. She died in our home from cancer. It was not easy and H hates illness, death, hospitals, etc. - looking back it coincided with a lot.
Even though I lament and vent on this board to the outside world I seem put together. In six months I have a Job after being a SAHM for 20 years. changed the locks and my children are on the fast track. We are still in our home and people see me with make up on and wedding rings on and a smile from ear to ear. I go to Mass. I cooked chicken soup last night and I am NC with H. He doesn't ask and I don't call or text unless I must. H thinks we are doing great since we texted him two words, "Merry Christmas."
Inside I am doing ok. The kids are ok considering he destroyed their lives too. I am a person of great faith. It is how I cope so I try to have hope. I am Catholic so marriage is one of those sacraments. I wear my wedding rings as a sign of my vows but right now this is between me and God. Just like Elvis, H has left the building.
I think I am fortunate in so many ways. H left the state. Heck he is two time zones away. H had a vasectomy so no surprise babies. My girls and I are really close. In a weird way this has brought us even closer though I am careful to make sure this year doesn't define us for the rest of our lives. I mean it is a huge turning point but we don't want to be one of those people who stay stuck. Also fortunate I have a counselor.
It is just that a lot day my outside persona is at odds with my inside persona. My heart is so sad. My head wonders if I imagined a marriage that was loving and a life that was full. Was he that miserable the whole time? How did I not notice? But then I come here and vent and listen to giving people like you. People who went through so much and are still breathing and living. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing what it means to survive all of this.
Right now I am faking it 'till I make it.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
