Inbetween Land

[SunnyB]

Faith, Toots has laid out exactly what progress looks like. It looks like this:

Your energies would be better focused on you, your growth, your relationship with you, your relationship with your kiddos, getting a life and detaching. He's pretty much out of your control right now.

If you've reached the point where you feel that happy in yourself, H may become curious about you and wonder what he's missing out on.

Stop obsessing with H and the OW. Really. There is nothing you can do to make the OW go away. Focus on you and your kids. What are you going to do today that's fun?

[Faith2b]

Thank you so much. Today Im gonna finish moving somethings and also try and take a run. Im at ork till 3:00 Im running around the building to get some exercise. It helps me get my axiety down. Im really high anxiety today. Because we are suppose to exchange the kids today. Though I called my son and he said that his dad would be keeping them until tomorrow. I think he is trying to make plans with out telling me so to get me unraveled. What should I do I tried texting to ask what the arrangments are and he wont answer me back. He is trying to get me rowled up. Im keeping my peace as best as I can. The games are real trying to fight my thoughts. Just not sure what he is doing.. Any help???

[Faith20]

Faith,

I know your emotions are running on overdrive. I feel the same way. But honestly, they got even WORSE once H and I started sleeping together (and he doesn't even have a OW).

I was like you in that I though sex with H would be a positive thing and maybe open some doors for me. But the truth is, I'm still in the same position, only now I feel used and hurt. It's like a bad drug. I want to stop, but it's so hard now. It's an addiction in a sense. There's a high while we ML followed by a huge low when he's gone. The whole thing is very, very painful.

Judging from how others have handled situation with OW I would say stick to your guns and keep the boundary of no sex until OW is gone. Strong is sexy. And I think you'll be much stronger by holding your ground.

Hang in there.

[Georgiabelle]

Faith,

Relax! Can I tell you something? Reading your posts makes me anxious. Keep walking around the building::-) I know this is difficult- I do. You must get off the rollercoaster for your own sanity and self preservation.

Here's the deal. You h can't get you worked up iess you allow him to. This is why detachment and focusing on controlling the only thing you can (you) is so imperative. Stop the unnecessary texting. The key is learning to respond versus reacting. I don't know what kind of parenting plan you have in place but conversations about the kids should be your focus.

You are focused waaaay too much on your h. As long as your focus is on him, you will feel the crazy.

In regards to advice from friends, thry generally have good intentions and don't want to see you hurt. I think it's wise you've chosen not to have sex with your h. The give him what he wants adage will only leave you feeling ....like a back up plan. Having sex with your h will not make him come back.

You can do this Faith! Breathe and focus on you and that kids. Stop worrying about your h's shennanigans. Don't engage with the crazy.

[Faith2b]

ok thank you trying to not spin. This definately is another detachement stage and Im trying to figure out how I will deal.

[SunnyB]

Im really high anxiety today. Because we are suppose to exchange the kids today. Though I called my son and he said that his dad would be keeping them until tomorrow. I think he is trying to make plans with out telling me so to get me unraveled.

Faith, I'm sorry your H appear to be playing games with the kids. How old are they? Could you put this in your signature line (see mine, below) it really helps keep people straight.

Do you have a parenting plan, something you and H have agreed to as far as time with the kids? Or are you trying to work it out weekly?

H and I have agreed that all changes to our parenting plan are to be worked out between us, that D12 is never to be used as a messenger. We've both stuck to that. Is that something you feel comfortable talking to your H about?

Take a deep breath, faith, you are going to be OK.

[Faith2b]

Well got some things together at the new place not too much more for me to move very excited and I cant wait to officially be moved into my place. I have lots to do still but my marital home will be a distant place soon cant wait.
My ex still has the kids we do have a schedule but he chose to keep them until tomorrow he didnt talk to me about this but hey Im just glad that I had a chance to get things done. I just see him so distantly in my life its kinda great. I still have lots of healing. Today was very anxiety ridden but I actually accomplished more usually I would let my emotions cloud my progress but Im starting to see progress with myself. Im almost feeling like after this move its gonna be hard for me to even picture a future with him. He has changed so much for the worse. I have compassion for him but his choices have really made me feel like why should I wait for him. I dont deserve any of this and he needs a 180. Although Im more concerned with my ability to forgive I want to be free to start over regardless if I get back with him at this point. I love him but much of my feelings are gone. I know loves is commitment. Not sure I would even give him a chance. I want a partner. I want someone in for the long hall. Just not sure if their is coming back at this point. Anyone have any thought on where I may be headed? Am I in some kind of stage?? Im just tired.

[Karma12]

Hi Faith,

The only thing you can control right now is you. Try and keep busy and show hubby that you have a life with or without him. I'm quite sure he would be willing to have his cake and eat it too if you allowed him to have sex with you. Right now he knows you are there waiting and willing to take him back whenever "He" is ready. Why would he rush when you aren't going anywhere? There is no fear of loss. If you really want to get his attention set some goals for yourself. Go out, have some fun, live your life. Be mysterious....not obvious 😉

[Faith2b]

Gonna go dark feel hopeless on the r. Heart hurts. It's so early and I just don't know if I have it in me to see this through. GAL ON. Is this normal to feel so hopeless???

[edz]

Hi Faith

Sorry to hear you're feeling low at the moment, my sitch is different to yours (no OM) but I know exactly how the above feels. Ive worked hard to keep up the PMA and (less sucessfully) the GAL and apart from a serious lack of money and a borderline sociopathic MIL I'm ok(ish) at the moment though I definitely have a case of the Meh's at the moment.

Just been catching up with your sitch above, have you moved yet?