Got back to Texas from GA, leave is over so I start work again tomorrow. Overall, the trip went fine. Nice to travel and just be doing some stuff, even if it is all work/business. W did not want to meet up for dinner on Friday, and it stung but I left it at that. Ironically, I decided just to leave a day early and left on Saturday instead of Sunday. I didnt tell her, but she texted me on Saturday and asked if I wanted to meet up but I told her I was already at the airport. Apparently she thought I was staying a while longer. Seriously contemplated changing my flight so I could see her but I didnt. Not sure if that was the right choice, but it is what it is.
Been an ok weekend, W and I had a FaceTime session yesterday which was nice- caught me off guard, so thankfully I was wearing something decent and looked presentable. She ended up calling me a couple more times that same day. As much as possible, I tried to cut her off after 15minutes, but its hard sometimes because I do miss her.
W is moving out of OM place, around FEB 9 or sooner. She actually seems excited to do it and constantly talks about moving out. I'm happy she is wanting to move out, but at the same time, its still not moving back in with me. For now, I'll take it- much better feeling to know she won't be at OM place anymore.
Doing slightly better at not expecting things, or letting little things bother me. W texted me briefly this morning but didnt respond the rest of the day. Usually I'd be freaking out but right now, it's not bothering me too much.
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Anyways, as far as just me...I feel like I might be missing the point of this separation. Yes, I can truly say I have learned a million things I never would have learned and am a far better person/H than what I used to be. I've gotten to experience what it is to be on my own again, and have really come to appreciate various things.
But, forgive me if I'm preaching, on a spiritual level, I don't think Im where I am supposed to be. I am by far NOT a super religious guy. But I told myself a couple months ago, that perhaps besides learning to be a better H, and my W learning things on her own, that God put us through this to grow closer to him. There is nothing on earth that could humble me enough to be down on my knees and pray as much as I have. Nothing could be taken away from me except my W, to really reach out to God. My W used to be pretty good about church and reading the Bible and stuff but when I was gone this last time, she stopped all that, and it was all replaced by things that put her in a really dark place. Now I see that she is back to listening to Christian music, reading the Bible, and trying to find God again-obviously a good thing
Me, on the other hand, when I pray, its all selfish prayers. Yes i pray for clarity, strength and patience, but its still ME. I mean yea, i pray about other people too, people here on this forum, but idk...i don't think I'm really "getting it."
What spurred this "revelation" was a song my W sent me. Apparently she's been listening to it for a while, and has fallen in love with this song.
Casting Crows- Broken Together
Essentially, it just talks about how people enter marriage as a fairy-tale, and don't think that problems will really arise. When the problems inevitably come, couples don't know how to deal with it because it doesn't fit in that fairy-tale, leading to D or S. It then goes on to talk about how only through God can 2 people really be broken, but broken together. That only if we trust him enough and realize this is completely out of our hands, can we be together again.
Sorry if Im preaching, i really don't mean to. But if you haven't heard that song, I'd seriously recommend it. Really shows that in order to grow together again, you gotta detach and leave it up to someone else.
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On a happier note, for the first time since I was 18 and on my own, I am friends with my neighbor. Usually, its just a hi/bye and never really know the people living next to us, but this time, we are actually friends and its awesome. Its nice to have someone to joke with and just be friendly with on a regular basis. Its also nice to be able to..borrow stuff or just do neighbor-y things with. They lent me an air mattress because my household goods haven't come to Texas yet and Ive been sleeping on the floor. To be honest, she reminds me of my W in more ways than I care to even say, and her H seems like a good guy as well, but its nice to just..talk to someone besides work stuff.
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ANNYWAYS, this post has been all over the place, but just a quick update. Starting my ridiculous 530-830ish work schedule again tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes...
Casting Crows-Broken Together. Listen to it. You'll be glad you did.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
