Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[HPoirot]

HP,

In my mind, a set parenting schedule with W will free up some times for each one of you to GAL with the knowledge that the other parent is looking after S11. This allows you to have space to be a parent and being yourself without those assumptions and expectations built in which usually leads to disappointments when they're not met.

What you're doing is a lot of mind reading. Don't get ahead of yourself.

You've been advised to respond to W accordingly and promptly when the occasion calls for it. I get the sense that you're starting to get the hang of this process and you're now over thinking things. Don't go there.

Hello Wonka. Thank you so much for this guidance. My struggle is, we do have a set schedule now. W has shared a calendar and she set up a schedule for the next 2 weeks. One I had no problem with.

Then, on the first hour of her first night with S11, she says she can't do it. Not just b/c S11 doesn't like it there and there's a newborn crying there... but now the extra long drive and traffic to school has her "concerned" as she says S11 will have to wake up so early. All predictable things.

And she has not said how long she will stay with her aunts. Or when she will get a car.

So I just have to face it and be understanding and firm like I was with the joint bills. She set the schedule so she can live with it. I'll be understanding and flexible as much as possible.

Also, you said "assumptions and expectations built in which usually leads to disappointments." Just making sure... you mean assumptions and expectations like assuming when I'm supposed to take S11 and when she is when we don't have a set shared agreed upon schedule?

Thank you again Wonka. I do have doubts with my results sometimes but certainly not as bad as before. I do see progress in my interactions with W and with my growth.

Right and I will just keep doing what I know to do. Not think about it... just do it. I'm months and years away from anything I'd prefer to see from my W if that's at all possible.