[BrightFuture]

Gwen, thanks for validation. I always had this desire to defend myself. When people learnt how I and H met, I always had a feeling that they automatically assumed that I used the relationship to move to this country. Heck, I’ve leant last year (from my BIL, h’s brother) that this is what H’s family thought for a long time. And they were a lot closer to us than other people… I think this insecurity contributed to our R in long term. I think I withheld my affection and appreciation of H whenever there was a conversation about how we met. I always tried to present it like I didn’t really need to be in R with H, I was my own person. Yes, I was lucky that it happened this way. It would have been a lot harder for me if I would move to a new country on my own (BTW I was applying to immigrate to Australia at the time I met H.)

So, like I said, I still have a lot of stuff to process here.

Gwen, I cannot even imagine how hard it is to find yourself in this sitch when you were SAHM all your life. When you dedicate your life to your family, to your kids and your H, when they are pretty much all your world. It is great when you have friends and family members who you can rely on for the support through this. I hope you have a good network around you. If not, you need to develop it. It does make a difference.

As for my son, he was 24 when H delivered the speech. He was also not living in the house at that time. So, he was pretty much an independent adult. He didn’t have to see me every day going through my emotions and grief. I called him a couple of times when I needed somebody to be here with me. His GF also came to take care of the dog when I was in bed and didn’t want to get out of the house or do anything. So, he knows that I was hurt. But I never told him bad things about H. I did the same about my first xh, my son’s biological father. I never spoke badly about him. I told my son our story with first xh (including the cheating part) only two years ago.

I am open to the conversation with my son, but he just never brings it up. I’m sure there are some hurt feelings inside. He is just not the type of person who opens up easily. Cause for concern… I hope that eventually he will be able to talk about it and tell me his feelings. It could be that it doesn’t matter to him that much, as long as he sees me happy and moving on. He is one resilient and tough person, that’s for sure.

Your girls are younger. I can see how they must be hurt in all this. You can help them to process their anger by encouraging them to talk to you or to somebody they trust.

The weekend was uneventful. I pretty much stayed home and did nothing. I feel kind of empty. I dread going to work tomorrow… Just want to sleep some more…