afraid I have waited too long #5

[nit84]

Wonka, I agree with you on the grand pronouncements. I was just going along and participating in something that my friends were doing. Most likely I did over do it.

I don't let the Naysayers get to me anymore, go back some months and you will see I was having a problem with that. I feel that I have worked through that issue.
This "friend" has seen my changes firsthand and I thought supported them. No smoking and Drinking anyways. The other changes I have made She would have no way of knowing them because I am not around her enough. My W could have mentioned things I was doing I guess. Probably in the "too little too late" mode.

Everybody is entitled to their opinion and that is all the comment was was her opinion. Maybe in her own private life things that sre going on with me happened to her and she just is letting me know her feelings. I just wish she would have done it a little more privately.

If my W has said something that has made this "friend" form a negative opinion of me so be it. Not for me to worry about.

One thing I said to this "friend" that I don't care if it gets back to my W is how mine and my W communication skills stink and that is a big reason why we are where we are. I know it won't help the sitch any and might even hurt it but I wanted my W to maybe hear this from someone other than me. When I attempted to validate my W on this subject way back it just upset her even more so I know she didn't hear what I was trying to say. She might not hear it when it comes from another either but you never know.

Not sure if all this came about because of the holidays or not. Maybe it is because of the hearing in a few days. I suppose we will find out.

I know I can't fully be prepared for how this hearing will affect the future and that makes me nervous. I can be in the same room with my W no problem. It will be what she says good or bad that is somewhat unnerving. I have so many things I want to say to her that I know won't help so I will remain calm and try to validate if she gets upset. She is the one who wants this and has proceeded legally to try and get what she wants or thinks she deserves. I am only protecting myself and that upsets her. Why do these things have to be so adversarial?

I will let my L handle the legal side of things it is just what happens when W and I alone that I want to try and be prepared for.

This happened the last time we had a hearing and it wasn't pretty the more I empathized and validated the more my W got angry. It all even continued once we got back home and the same thing happened only this time I was able remove myself from the confrontation. I should have left earlier than I did but I did leave to allow things to calm down somewhat.

My W has her own problems she must deal with. She blames me for a lot of it. Some things are justified others are most certainly not.

I hate this but it is what it is.