Trying to save (not sure if broken or bent) p2

[SemperFi00]

Thansk for the comments labug - really appreciate your continued interest....

Is this how you handled things with her before, guilty until proven innocent?

not sure what you mean here?? I think that I am trying very hard not to accuse her of anything. Trying to remain as abjective as possible.

How has she created your uncomfortableness? It seems like your mind is doing a pretty good job of that.

Yes, clearly on Fri my mind was doing a masterful job in this area. I felt better later in the evening and thru the weekend until later this afternoon. As the day has gone on today, I can feel the aniexty building. So far, have been able to handle it ok and am maintaining PMA/GAL, Trying to figure out the right words to ask her about the upcoming court appearance on Wed but so far nothing.......

"and I generally have fallen into the trap of being the one who dealt with the conflicts. I just don't think I want to do it for this particular situation......"

Why? This has to do with the rest of your life. It's easy to stand on the sidelines and watch things happen and then when it doesn't go as we would have liked, say "Well, I could see that coming. I would have done it much differently and things would be better now." Keeps us innocent and smelling like a rose. Also keeps our ego intact. Been there, done that.

Agree, I am more than willing to own my part and improve things that I have control over. What I am not interested is doing is leading us through a D process that I am don't want. My point is that she initiated the process with a L, has the paperwork and even though I have asked has not shared it with me. Beginning to seem like a familiar pattern, leaving me to work through the details and finish the process. thus my comment, about her owning what she started.

Maybe my feeling in this area is partially influenced by past examples though.

What kinds of traps have you fallen into? Explain that more because it seems a bit different from what I remember you saying in the past.

What I meant with this statement was that I was typically the one who dealt with any conflicts - not between us but with others. In other words any of the tough decisions/conversations were primarily mine.

I think that's a dangerous trap for 1 member of a R to fall into and may have helped contribute to some level of a parent/child R versus 2 adults on equal footing.

Does that help clarify? Can you share a little more about what were you remembering differently?

I'm not sure your second sentence is 100% true. I think you're trying to control an outcome. See smelling like a rose above

Which 2nd sentence - can you add some clarity on this comment?