Good on you, Freddy. That's who you want to be, right?
I asked about the impulsivety because whenever I have to deal with something, I need to understand it as best I can. Knowledge is power.
I have read about impulsivity and the inability to control actions and reactions. I learned that our ability to regulate emotions and impulses mostly first develop in childhood, starting when we’re babies. We learn or dont learn them in relationships, especially with parents and other caregivers.
These adults provide examples of people who are or arent able to be aware of their emotions. People who can or can’t put feelings into words that are helpful not hurtful. People who can or cant tolerate bad feelings without impulsively acting them out or escaping with alcohol, drugs or other addictions.
Parents and caregivers with good self-regulation capacities of their own provide the kinds of safe and comforting relationships that allow children gradually to develop emotional awareness, tolerance of unwanted feelings, and control over harmful impulses.
Ideally, caring adults give children the support and acceptance they need to learn the skills for regulating emotions and impulses.
Sometimes children experience extremes of emotions like fear, shame and anger and they don’t have the adult support they need to deal with those emotions and the destructive impulses that go with them.
Sometimes parents or caregivers are caring but overwhelmed by stress or addictions because they have their own limits on their capabilities regarding self regulation.
I think it's important for you to figure out why you react as you do in order to change it.
Having said that, I know there are many of us who have reacted similarly to you when hearing the news you have heard. It was a kneejerk reaction out of hurt.
But I think moving forward, you can look at your feelings and react in a way that matches who you want to be.
I know you dont really want to hurt her. I know that you are in pain and understand that she is, too.
Your path is the same here, Freddy. Leave her to figure it out. Continue to become your best you. Figure out what you need to do in order to get through this in a way that matches who you want to be.
