afraid I have waited too long #5

[nit84]

Just putting this out there for anybody to comment on.

For New Years a lot of my friends were posting things about their year, on a social media site, that was 2014. I did the same maybe I went overboard not sure. It wasn't directed at anyone specific not even my W.

So not to risk exposing the identities of anybody or myself here is the jist of what I said.

"I have had ups and downs this year we all have. I set out to change and think I have somewhat that makes me happy."

"I have lost some friends not sure if it was my changes or not but they can always back."

"No resolutions for 2015 just be a better person. If you want to change you can do it but you have to put in the work. Don't let changing become addicting while you are changing you must also live. It doesn't matter how long it takes to change just don't compromise yourself while doing it. Otherwise you might get to where you are going but you wont have anybody to share it with."




I received the obligatory 100 likes and 20 comments that were nice.

This morning I got a comment from a mutual friend at around 1:00 a.m. so alcohol could have been involved.

This is what she wrote, "Saying all this chit doesn't do anything to make up for what has already been done. good luck.

I wasn't shocked by the comment, in fact, My first thoughts were, Absolutely!


I private messaged her back this morning just saying that" I couldn't agree more with her comment. I am and have been trying to change for a long time and want my actions to show that."

"You should know how much I have wanted to change from our conversation from way back before this whole thing started. That talk was great, you offered some advice I took some it and it has helped me I want to thank you for that."

"I mentioned the things I have done not for praise but to show people who struggle with these things it can be done if you want it bad enough." These things were stopping smoking and drinking.

I went on " I hope what I said about losing friends didn't upset you. It was not meant for you I consider you a very good friend."

"What is happening between W and I, I am keeping to her and I. This is a very personal ordeal for me and I am treating it with the respect it deserves. I know W is also. I cant control what W says about me if she is even saying anything. I only control myself."

"These changes are for me if they help me and the W out wonderful if not they still have helped me out."

" I hope you still consider me a friend. If you have any thoughts I am willing to listen or if you ever need me I will be there for you if you want me to be."

Did I screw up by 1) posting anything to begin with. 2) by responding to my friends comment?

Keep in mind that my W and MIL has completely blocked me and my family. I know who might be moles amongst the mutual friends we still share. I am very careful with what I post and what I say because of this. I can't help but think that what I posted got back to my W and MIL. I really don't care that they know. The post wasn't for them, about them or posted to get a reaction from them. It was just how I felt about my year knowing full well that once it is out there it is out there.

I still would love to sit down with my W and in a calm manner discuss our issues. I know this probably will probably never happen but it is on my list.


Thoughts appreciated