H came home yesterday and helped with DD but forgot to bring her milk, which is a big deal for DD as the milk is 2 hours away. So he had to leave and go get it and came back in the morning. Before he left to get milk he shared with me some information he picked up about a car for me. So that was positive and he lingered a bit to talk, just light conversation. And asked when I needed him back the next day. Then he left.
He came back today, about an hour late, but I did not question as the weather is very bad. He told me he was late b/c he had to shovel snow at the home, which is 2 hours away. He also picked up groceries that I asked him to get + he brought an extra item for me that I did not ask for...so that was nice.
I am breast feeding my DD and have been very free about feeding in front of him, until the last two times. I am feeling weird now about showing him any part of my body. Sad. It took me years to get comfortable around anyone naked....nothing to read into about the naked body, I just have some body image bad thoughts.
He then attended to DD. Once DD was asleep for nap I sat by him and asked some questions about the car. He talked a little and then asked " Are you going to go somewhere?" This was not a question...what he really wanted to say was if you are not leaving, I am.
He is obviously not there to see me.
I said yes pleasantly and then got ready to go and said I was going to the store (dang, I forgot not to say where I was going) and I said "see you later Hon" (dang, I said Hon).
I so badly want to ask: "What is going on" "What are we doing?" "How are we back hear" , "This is not all my fault". "We have had some really lows in our marriage and this might be the all time low (other than death of child)"
I have a call with DB Coach this week. I hope to hang on that long without asking him anything.
