I asked her what she wanted me to do, just sit back and watch you? She looked stunned by the fact that I didn't want to do that (any more).
Originally Posted By: u-turn
When she put blame on me for the affair, I acknowledged that I was not a perfect husband and I told her I wish I could change it or show her more, but told her that she could not blame me for her affair, it was her decision. She agreed.
^^^ Those two comments were spot on and you've done an excellent job of pushing back W on the blame game for her A.
Originally Posted By: u-turn
I need to make sure that I remember this. She wanted me to hear and accept her (that is what OM has given her - she says). I wish I can work on this - and really hope someday to be able to.
You still can work on this by continuing with your path of self-improvement. The first step rig now is to focus your support of W as a Mom. There are a cole of ways to do this.
1) Work on getting her input more often on the kids 2) Talk to her in a respectful and collaborative tone when discussing the logistics related to the kids 3) Offer to take the kids away for a while to give W some alone time 4) When a problem arises, approach W like a team member and say "W, here is a situation that I would like for us to tackle together. I'd like your thoughts on this, but please hear what I have to say first. (Detail your approach). What do you think? Any ideas?" Or something like this.
Right now, W is going through a withdrawal from XOM. It will be a while before she fully detoxes from him. This means that you're going have to put your needs and desires on the shelf for the time being.
The common bond you have with W is the children and you need to work on getting her to a "feel good" place as a Mom. What I mean by that is not to be nitpicky over small things and support her as the mother. Make sense?
