mlc rut

[pbetra]

Just came by re: more thoughts as it is 2015!

2015:
BUT (!!) before I go on, I wish you all a very happy / or 'happier' New Year! One that will give you strength and courage - & ultimately peace of mind as you create (or continue to create) the life you wish for your family &/or for yourself.

Sitting alone:
I found myself sitting alone quietly this AM with a cuppa joe.
Two thoughts occured to me.

• Cadet - "trust the process" and

• how it's all about mental stamina as one continues to "trust the process"

I don't have anything overly 'dramatic' to report. This may be because I go on with what I can & leave h the space to sort himself out. However, like many of you, I have had to reflect on events/2014 with the New Year.

What will life bring me/the family?
Last year at this time, I was happy (!) as we were planning a few things - vacation times etc. Family stuff for 2014.
Just under 3 months away, little did I know that MLC would strike and everything would be changed - forever .
(Like h, I too was also thrown into my very own emotional state of chaos, even though it seemed more 'exclusive' to the MLCer..)

The LARGER question at this moment is how much more(!!), can I create my own life??! Control those areas I can control by re-evaluating and subsequently identifying new areas for attention & improvement.

I can't control another's MLC experience but there are things I can control for me. This must NOT be taken for granted or lost within 'draining fatigue' or occasional despair ... This is a very important 'mental stickie' for 2015.


So far - recent developments.

An opportunity presented itself re h. It was a temp. one that could have other leads and was a welcome drop of water, in what seemed to be an ongoing drought for h.

With this opportunity, my birthday last year was acknowledged (!) although I did not do so re: his (as per db advice).
I was given $$ to help with bills & talk developed re gifts for holidays including what I might want! H also spoke with me more (again) & clearly wished to spend more time with me just hanging at home (vs the tendency > isolation).
Also spoke of planning a little family time away!! ...

Until (!), the lead fell through ...
I knew something was wrong when the raging returned (it never really left - traffic, long lines etc would bring out the lack of patience & intense anger, but here at home it HAD 'subsided!' )
The TRIGGER was set off - again.
$$/financial security = progress (more distance covered within the tunnel).
Lack of $$ security = MLC behaviours.
My company is no longer sought as before. Some isolation has returned. I continue to hear the angry words ...

On a positive note, h is generally pleasant to me, in other words h tries to keep the anger away from me & tries to be nice. Actually he has been most times! 'Strange at times but nice'
This is when the thoughts 'decended' on me -

• Cadet - "TRUST THE PROCESS" &

• mental stamina needed to continue to trust this complex process.

So I continue reflecting on the two, as I continue to try to source more income myself as living expenses really ARE driving me nuts!! Geez!

I still feel soooooo tired sometimes. Tend to get sick a little often, but overall, it's 'ok'. Things are not too bad or 'serious' in the 'grand scheme of things,' so I am appreciative.

Bye for now:
Well, will wrap up here.
Again, I hope that this year will be good for EVERYONE here (who are often inspiring in addition to being supportive of course ) ... my sincerest good wishes to you, as you go on with YOUR lives as best as you could, regardless of each of YOUR circumstances at this time.

I will be catching up a 'bit' later today after so long!!!. It's close to lunch time & the family will hungry soon.
Take care, p.