Jim0987 #9 - Blackholes, cats and overanalysis

[jim0987]

I'm just going to add that i think i understand the NMMNG dynamic that was going on better now. You guys probably already know this but as you also know by now it helps me to set it out here.

I was doing this kind of overall big plan controlling and at the same time patting myself on the back for being a good provider and good dad, feeling like i was doing plenty making all the sacrifice because after all she worked less, and had all the more flexible cash without ever taking into account all the extra pressure childcare runs, the variable budgets and stuff put on her. After all I was doing the big stuff for her.

at the same time i sulked when things werent going my way and argued too strongly about things i didnt really care about just because i always have to have an opinion. And at the same time as all of this i was getting frustrated, sarcastic and resentful towards her because she just didnt seem happy or like she wanted to engage in our life (or have sex). And because of my insecurities I at times acted really jealously which meant she was worried to go out despite what i said.

when she tried to speak I shot her down or sulked and so she just stayed scared of me, afraid to speak out even when i did get over my conflict avoidance enough to ask.

All of that ^^^^^ gives her the prism through which she views my every action especially when its being reinforced by her PF and Sister (who has advocated criminal proceedings against me for emotional abuse by the way). And to be honest some of what i have said today to her probably reinforces this.

She seems to think that i'm out to hurt and control her - even when actually i'm being more than reasonable on all this. in fact she see me being reasonable as setting her up for something.

When i look round these boards I see LBWs describe their WAHs in the same way at the point they decide they dont want to stand any longer, so i'm guessing i'm asking is there anyway that kind of damage can be undone? Or do i simply move on with my life and keep the door open to hope?