Jim0987 #9 - Blackholes, cats and overanalysis

[jim0987]

well instead i've been sat upstairs doing some joyous adminey bits.

One of them is my new budget and how much my wife needs to pay for January.

I looked at the old budget sheets that i did and looking at them i realised just how much pressure they put on my wife to be the frugal one. if you look at it one way they were really really unfair and just heaped pressure on her.

Basically I paid all the household and my personal bills and was left with a bit of disposable cash. under the budget my wife had a big chunk of cash but was expected to pay for everything and make sure we saved some money for the big stuff.

It could seem very controlling even though it was just meant to be a plan that reflected how I thought we like to manage our money

I disagree with a lot of her assessment but the reality is I was/am very controlling and I am watching her every move at the moment (I know i need to stop) that has to be intimidating. The only reaction she ever got was a sulk about how 'I'm doing this all for you' but she of late she is getting more reactions because i'm very stressed by all of this

looking at my actions post BD I havent changed anywhere near as much as i thought i had as I still cling on to this. some of my comments when i've been unhappy would still reflect all this.

what i thought was us making a plan she saw as me exerting control.

I must let go because she is gone. This is a 180 but i dont think she will ever see it like that, she will see it as her standing up to a bully (finally).