Things were fine for a few days, we had a great time over New Years, lots of quality time and even ML a few times. I know things weren't back on track but they were going in the right direction
Yesterday, she walked in and saw me lying on the bed with my headphones in, catching up on Star Trek on my iPad (There. I'm out of the closet). And she went south. Total trigger, said she felt like we were backsliding into our "old, bad" marriage where I put on headphones and tuned her out. Of course, I quickly pointed out the interminable hours she spends editing photos and being on Facebook.
She had me afraid to pick up a book, or go to church, or even watch a damn TV show on Amazon because they were "triggers" for her! They reminded her of my family and that made her think we were backsliding.
She says she feels sad all the time, misses him, she feels lost and lonely all the time. I naturally asked her what was up in the last few days then, if that's the way she felt. She said that wasn't how she felt all the time, just then, and the last few days was her trying to put all her effort into our marriage, like we're supposed to. It's like she knows that emotions are transitory, but she can't see past that in the moment. If she feels sad at some point, then she's sad all the time. But I guess the last few days didn't really matter, because they'll never compare to his fantasy. She basically wants to feel in love with me like when we were first together and dating. That's her vision of success.
I have no earthly clue about how to recreate that after being together 21 years. By the requirements she's putting on us, there's no way we'll succeed. I'll never measure up to his fantasy. Of course that's how she feels about OM, because there's no real life to get in the way. She doesn't get that she'd probably be out of love with him (by that definition) in a year or so. If that's truly what she expects out of a relationship, then she's going to fail with every man she's ever with.
I know it looks on here like I'm still obsessed with OM. I guess that's because I post after W and I have a bad day, and OM is all.she.wants.to.talk.about.
Oh, and the things "we" did to let our marriage go. That is, when she's not pointing out my myriad flaws and mistakes. Because, as we all know, if I had been a better husband, she wouldn't have had an A.
I AM SO SICK OF HER MANIPULATIVE BS!!!!!!!!
WHY THE HELL AM I FIGHTING FOR THIS WOMAN!!!!!!
Dammit, I did it again. I knew that things weren't back the way they should be, but I allowed myself to get complacent. I am so gullible when it comes to her.
Just when I thought I was out, she pulls me back in.
Back to detachment. I want my life back.
Last edited by Rzrback; 01/04/1501:58 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
