Just my parenting approach, but I wouldn't give so much wiggle room to S11. If you constantly consult with him and change your plans by the hour, you also give him the impression that you and your W don't really know what's good for him.
I'd take his opinion into account, but as part of a larger plan, not to decide every single day. When he asked to sleep with you, I'd have said: "No, tonight is with your mom. You'll be okay." It's reassuring to know that competent people know best and are protecting you.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.