I'm so sorry to hear that you're once again going through these types of issues. There was a lot to sort through in these posts -- so I will give you my feedback on it.
It's difficult to say what set this off -- but it is clear that while J might have offered and seemed willing to go above and beyond -- at some point in time -- she started to resent it... apparently A LOT!
I agree with the others who have suggested that if anyone offers to do something/anything that is beyond what specifically fits into their caretaking job description -- you should say NO.
I well understand wanting to accept their offers b/c it makes your life easier -- but what starts out as a kindness and favor -- snowballs into many such requests and that clearly became something they resented.
And allowing them to do this blurs the line between their job -- and a friendly gesture -- and b/c of the imbalance of power -- they probably feel as if they really can't say no to anything you, their employer, request them to do.
You don't make clear why J was at Walmart with Ryan on Christmas Eve. So I don't know what she was there for -- but the fact that she later claimed -- that from her perspective -- you had made her do your stocking stuffers for you -- makes it clear she felt your request, small as it was -- was a PITA for her and not her job.
Her comment about not being a "slave" was significant. And IMO it is not their job to get snow tires put on the van. So it just sounds as if there's slowly been a blurring of sort of "family" and "friend" type errands and favors -- mixed in with their professional duties -- and J and perhaps L too -- now see it as too much and too often.
And while you may feel you make it up to them in many ways and with many reciprocal kindnesses -- somehow in their minds it is not equating that way.
Believe me, I learned this one the hard way. It is shocking how much you can do for someone who works for you -- yet in their mind -- it barely counts!
I have no idea why the recyclables bothered her so much -- just not getting that at all???
And I agree with the others that what L did on her own time was her business unless it interfered with her care of Ryan. If J's sleep was being impacted -- perhaps J should have been the one to deal with L on her own. But I'm not quite understanding how L leaving the room impacted J's sleep? Now whether it was smart or safe for L to be doing it is another matter.
I'm not sure what dynamic is going on between L and J. But rivalry isn't unusual -- but that J would leave if L does is odd.
As to L's use of her cell when she's taking care of Ryan -- NO WAY!
And I don't understand at all why both L and J are refusing such a reasonable and normal request to be texted about Ryan once a day???
Glad to hear that the agency is on this -- and really working to get you more people to cover and help out.
And BTW ... JOSH! What a treasure he is! Just a wonderful, loving, kind dear man -- who truly demonstrates how deeply he loves you and your family by action!
You are very blessed to have found each other!
I think you may need to put this into God's hands and let both L and J leave -- if that is how it plays out. Perhaps the air is now cleared and the situation can be restored -- but if not, trust it will still work out.
For while L and J are wonderful with Ryan -- from what you've written here -- there is something off about both of them that concerns me.
You know I always tell you to have faith and trust...and once again you must.
I know you are divinely protected -- as is precious Ryan. And the agency sounds like they are on top of this and will make this work for you.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Stay strong and in faith.
