I don't mind at all you talking about your sitch. Thanks for sharing. I have followed your threads some, but it's hard to remember all of the sitches.
I have no idea what WAW will want to do, but I feel like I am in control of my life, unlike the previous 6 months. It feels really good. Whatever the next step in my life is, it will be my decision. I can say one thing for certain - the begging and pursuing days are over!
Last edited by Card29; 01/04/1502:03 AM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Well I just had a total failure of a convo with WAW. I was furious thinking about things. Instead of being smart and going running or something, I started texting. Let's just say it got ugly, including lawyer threats. At the end, though, she understood that I was extremely emotional. Damage done, though
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
In times like those I RUN to get out of the house and leave my phone home. My desire to react is so strong I have to take drastic measures. I go and meditate and sit with the anger and feeling of heat and discomfort.
I swear, our phones should have a locking mechanism not allowing us to text if we're upset or angry. How is there not an app for that??
It happened so fast. I was just chilling, then I started thinking about OM's W, wondering if she knew about it. I sent WAW a question, and she immediately knew what I was getting at. It spiraled quickly, I got even more mad.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Card, the ONLY thing that gets me out of my head is meditation. The Headspace app even has a series of "emergency" meditations for those moments. I've used them a couple times when I've wanted to berate H for all this stuff.
If I'm in my head, it's over. I can't be trusted. The words are out of my mouth before I'm even aware of it.
I've learned to press pause long enough to get out of the situation and put my focus into my body. I feel my stomach pulse and heart pound and my throat constrict and my palms sweat... I'm trying to start feeling those things before the heat rises in my chest and I say something I know I'll regret. It's a process but it works.
It's the closest thing I have to a HRM on my phone to disable texting.
I do not think it serves you well to be in contact with your wife right now. It serves no purpose other than to upset you both.
You need to sit with the information for a bit. I know you may think wanting details will help you in some way. Trust me when I tell you, it wont.
You really dont need anymore anyway. She had an affair. It succks. It hurts.
I think your w is broken, Freddy. That is not an excuse for what she did, just an observation. I think she needs to figure herself out. She cant do that while looking over her shoulder at you.
You need to get back on your path. You need to feel the hurt and anger til you get to a place where you can allow them to wash over you and let them go.
Going round and round with her through texts isnt going to help either one of you.
Let her work her way through this. YOu do the same.
Remember to act like the man you have become. Remember that you dont have to make any decisions right now and that when you do, they can be changed if you choose.
Card, the ONLY thing that gets me out of my head is meditation. The Headspace app even has a series of "emergency" meditations for those moments. I've used them a couple times when I've wanted to berate H for all this stuff.
The sleep meditation in the Headspace app is also great for those nights when you just can't.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
It happened so fast. I was just chilling, then I started thinking about OM's W, wondering if she knew about it. I sent WAW a question, and she immediately knew what I was getting at. It spiraled quickly, I got even more mad.
And we call the WAs crazy and outta control!
Get back on the horse, you've got work to do.
OM's W, not your problem. If you look at that a little deeper I'll bet you'll find a motivation closer to you.
Remember the 48 hr rule.
Nothing is irretrievably damaged by one conversation.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
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