He wanted us to try dating in seperate homes and now that is happening and I have to atlas try. This is my thinking. Yes their are many possibilities but I'm not sure that saying no sex is right either. Thoughts???
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
I will be honest I have no rule...any help with rule??
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
Check out MelissaG's thread. When I first came here, I loved reading her posts because I could relate to so much of what she felt.
I'm going to say something and my intention is not to be hurtful. Many of us know exactly where you are. You seem desperate. It sounds like you think that *something* will fix this. Sounds like you think having sex will lead to R. I think you mentioned having sex with your h left you feeling used and hurt. Just something to consider...do you think having sex with him will keep him from having sex with others? He's already in another R (unless I'm confusing you with someone else. And I do apologize if I'm mistaken) Do you think it will bring him back? Or is it something you hope keeps him connected to YOU? Just curious.
It feels like you are giving him an awful lot of power. Just my 2 cents.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 01/04/1505:10 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I think part of my post was confusing 2 Faiths sitches. I'm sorry.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I am a new poster but have been reading these boards for over a year.
IMHO you are feeling like your cup is empty and if you have sex with hubby it will fill your cup. From my experience doing this actually works in the opposite and leaves you feeling even emptier than you did before. Don't assume your hubby is happy with his new AP. With a house full of kids it doesn't take long for the bloom to fall off the rose. My hubby also jumped Into an affair before we separated. He moved her into our house within weeks of me moving out. My poor step daughter came home from a visit with her Mother to find a strange woman living in the house. I had to GAL and detach. It was not easy at the beginning but it was a matter of survival. I was used to keeping busy and doing ,y own thing it was the letting go of him part that was hard. Now fast forward a year and half and they have broken up and she moved out. He told me it was the worst year of his life. He said he made a huge mistake letting her move in. He told me it had affected his health to the degree he went to the hospital with anxiety thinking he was havin a heart attack more than once. We never really know what's going on and our imagination always assumes the worst. My hubby is in MLC and has been for about 3.5 yrs. The fog is starting to lift but he is still not all the way out. Now instead of seeing me in a negative light he told me he wants to date others but still wants me in his life. Doesn't want to divorce me. ( we are legally separated). I reminded him he always liked my strong values and that I do not want a divorce but would not be open to dating him while he is dating others. I know if I was physical with him it would mess me up and I have come to far to get knocked back down. If he decides he wants me it is up to him to step up. Protect yourself Faith. Be a friend to yourself. Read the posts about pursuit and distance. I think you will find them enlightening.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
I feel it wI'll keep us connected. He has ow. I have been very very legalistic. I had so many ideas on how everything should go. I still believe in my boundaries. But at this point it's not just about me being right or giving my holier than thou lifestyle because I'm not perfect and I have not always made the best choices. I'm just feeling why not level with him. Sex feels right it will help keep my emotions down. I will be honest it does feel like I'm just saying ok this is what u have thought to work let's see. OW is relevent yes because she is trying to work her way into my H heart but if he is not sure than why wouldn't I try this I'm trying other 180's. Including the fact that the last time we split up I refused to have sex with him. He came back we went to counseling but we still didn't have the skills to hold our r together so he left and this time he decided he would expand his horizon w ow from dating site because he was not gonna be held out on sex. Look this sounds really bad to me too but maybe that's just why I should try it. Feedback please?????
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
Hi Faith2b. From my pov, my H would have been willing to carry on a sexual/romantic R with me whilst being with OW. In a way, there would have been some 'divine justice' in him cheating on her with me.
But is that a healthy place to be? In my sitch, my H is involved with OW, who has an on/off OM, who is M and has a family. It's an awful messy web of adultery.
A big thing for me was - That's not me, I don't want to be part of that web. And if he and I had a sexual/romantic R, I'm in the web. So I told him no.
Slowing down and really thinking about the advice you get on this forum is a good idea. There are some very wise people on here who have been there, done it and got the tshirt.
One important thing I have learned is that my R with myself is more important than my R with H.
Another thing to think about is - why is this (having S with H) so important to you? Really think through that one before you decide what you want to do.
Is it a stragegy to try and 'win' him back? Do you just need to feel connected to him? Are you doing the 'pick me' dance? Why are you so needy for S with him etc? Do you need it to affirm your attractiveness etc? Work out what's really going on for you here..do some reflection and dig a bit deeper.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Ok the reason why it is a topic is because a friend suggested it. So I'm being open to it. She thinks that if I want him back I should defiantly bend on this.and show him in.
Me:34/EXH:29 Kids: S13, D5, D4 M/o7 HaskedforDgavetohim6/14 decided to work on get remarried counseling. Kids work went back to old routine. Left Nov 10 2014 OWDec92014
