a young marriage in trouble

[mahhhty]

Ahhh... I understand the Forever is a Long Time now. That is a good frame of mind, and that reinforces the idea of hope. I think thats a great mindset.

Some days I feel that I'm doing well and beginning to "let her go", other days like today, I wake up incredibly depressed because I know we will be trading S and I don't look forward to those meetings anymore.

I felt this way on days there is a transition (a kid swap). However, I now look at that time (however short it may be) as an opportunity. Many people have reiterated on my post that one of the best things we can do as fathers, is show how much we love and care for our children, really become immersed in their lives and become as active as possible. Use these "transitions" to show her how happy you are (even if you must fake it) and how much you love to see your S.

Can you explain a little bit more what you mean by this? By "right decision", you're talking about getting married, correct? What frame of mind did you stop giving ammo for?

The Mrs. and I were going through a rough patch, but I was withdrawn and passive. I didn't effectively help address our issues, nor did I change for the better. I ended up changing for the worse and becoming more withdrawn. Therefore, when she thought the D was an option I was showing her the worst of me, not the best. Hence I reinforced her decision and showed her it was the correct one to make (the decision being the D). Now I am totally turning that stuff around, I no longer show her any poor qualities of myself in person. The little interaction we have, I prepare for, I cut my hair, wear cologne, dress nice, I get my mind right, I don't get in conversations that I can't handle in person or in front of the munchkins, I leave my phone in the car so I can be active with the kids and with her, I treat her and the kids with care and compassion, I leave on my terms like I have places to be with people who want to spend time with me. I am showing her the best of me. Therefore, I am not giving her any ammo to justify a D. All of these things help me become the me I want to be <- this is what I mean about focusing on the process and not the outcome... In a way I think this confuses her. B/C here we are on the edge of D, and I am the outgoing, compassionate person she fell for.

I started doing this b/c I researched "Love Languages" and determined which ones speak to her. Then I incorporated that behavior into every transition time.

Does that make sense?

Thats a lot about what I am doing, but hopefully there is something(s) in there that can work for you!