in the end i crashed a mates house for a couple of hours before heading home for just after the kids tea time. Got my best PMA on and came through the door happy and cheery (possible a bit over the top but i've maybe always done that)
They all seemed to have a nice day but my wife did seem a bit annoyed about something which seemed to be the way i diverted the kids attention from her and that i got them a bit worked up. I did also settle them again though.
W said she wanted to take down the christmas decorations this evening and split them along with a bunch of the kids toys. A whole lot of interaction so as is my usual some key points that stick out for me (order all wrong)
* W was determined to keep it all business like I opted for more friendly and helpful. W was very cold
* she asked if i was going to replace my car and i said probably not unless I had to. my car is fine and i'm managing. I might need a bigger one but i can hire one for the week or so when i really need the space. I went on to say it seems stupid that 6 months ago i would talk about new cars and stuff all the time even though i knew they didnt really matter.
* She asked about the christmas decorations and I said she could keep them all. we had a tradition of always buying baubles to mark events in our relationship. I said she could have all of these as they were 'our tradition' and that I'll think of a new one for the future. My W did say that 'that attitude isnt going to work - I dont want you to tell me I can have something just so you can be have a go later about it'. I told her that if I'm saying she can have something then i'm fine with that. Again this plays into her narrative that i'm somehow vengeful
* we discussed some outside lights which it turns out we both hate and yet kept putting them up because we thought the other one wanted them. My W said 'this just proves we cant communicate with each other'
* she made another jab about my family thinking of her as an evil witch, I said they dont and what they think doesnt matter anyway. she said that's right they dont matter.
* I asked about why she never bought the sideboard she wanted. She said because i wouldnt let her. I said I had told her my concern about space but I thought we had agreed she would order it.
* we discussed a mirror that she wants. I know this seems trivial but its a mirror where she said she wanted it, told me, bought it and then i put it up - no issues. I kind of made this point given her view that she couldnt jsut get things
* I asked if she was excited by her new house and she said excited is the last thing she is about her new house then didnt want to discuss it.
* each of our kids have boxes of 'special things' like their first baby grow and wife asked how we would split these. I said i dont know and would prefer to leave it a while before we do. She asked 'Whats special to you' I said got upset at this and said 'you, you were almost the most special thing to me' I had to leave the room for 30 seconds or so to recompose myself but the damage was done at that point
* I was helpful with all the moving stuff, basically helped her to pack (not sure this is good DB but its what i would do for a neigbour)
* Had a brief but pleasant chat before i came upstairs, roughly went M: I going to go play on my xbox. I've got a new game and its good to spend a bit of time playing again W: Chatting to your mates at the same time M: No, by myself. I didnt really feel i could do that before W: I never stopped you M: I felt like it but then we both spent too much time making assumptions about each other W: ...... M: Enjoy catching up on your tele
Anyway so a lot of interaction, A lot of it bad DB'g but all with the undercurrent that for the most part I was chatty, supportive and happy. My W is surrounded by so much negativity I dont think i should be more of that if i can help it.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
