I still picture MW as a rabbit. He’s hiding out his hole…and he might be comfortable down there but I have strong feeling something tells the little rabbit that things aren’t going to stay the same for long. He doesn’t understand yet that it will be okay to ditch the hole and live in harmony with you. I am not against drawing him out of the hole, I just wonder if it might be better in the long run to talk him out a little more before attempting to blow him out of there with a legal separation, toned down friendship, locked doors, etc. The reason being…you might blow up the rabbit in the process and then he’ll be out of the hole for damn sure, but there will be rabbit guts all over the place also. Of course it could go the other way, and once he’s out he may see that it isn’t SO bad. It all depends on whether or not he survives the blast.
I completely empathize with you on comfort zones. Remember…it was I (that night talking to you on the phone in my kitchen) saying that I was sick to death of Sting living the life of Reilly while I handled fricking everything for his lazy self. And you said…Mer, he is not necessarily living the life of Reilly. He is dealing with a lot of inner turmoil, and that is not easy either.
Seems to me, you need a plan. If you are not comfortable with the situation as it stands, maybe make a list of what would make it easier for you. How could the situation improve if YOU were the only one available to improve it? Screw how MW could and would and should be doing things. If there are things that make you unhappy, how can you change them? And if there isn’t something directly making you unhappy…well, then you know what to do. Yes, it is a version of Step 3 and definitely a version of what you wrote in your email to me with what Triple J said. The twist is that you have to ask yourself for what you want too…
I’ll ask A to forward you the email she sent to her parents in January when she went home after her H filed for divorce. It was an awesome email…and served the purpose of your button.
GOOOOO YOUUUUU!! You are an amazing, strong, patient, capable woman. And you have so much to be proud of, not the least of it two girls who are so lucky to have such a mother! You can do this...
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
You are an amazing, strong, patient, capable woman. And you have so much to be proud of, not the least of it two girls who are so lucky to have such a mother! You can do this... 
