KGirl - one year later con't

[KGirl]

Thanks, all, for your virtual hugs And thanks for the article, bug. I still have some work to do on the grief/anger part before I can really disentangle from him. I need to set aside some time to go to the library/reserve some books and actively work on that. Maybe not today because I'm still a mess and will consider it a plus if I can just make it to the grocery store and the gym.

I was reading GB's threads over in MLC. I so want to be at the place where I don't really feel anything towards H. What am I not doing right to not be there yet? It's been over a year. Maybe the dinner and all of that put me back on the roller coaster of hope and expectations, I don't know. I don't feel like I SHOULD still miss him and want him and be angry at him.. then again, the rebuilding book I am reading says the average person is angry at their X after D for three years. That's a looong time to feel this way and I really don't want to. Do I get there by thinking negative things about him and why he wasn't a good partner, whenever I start to miss him? Yesterday I told a friend "I wasted my favorite colors for a wedding with this d-bag!" and I wasn't really joking. She said "When or if you get remarried you can use those same colors." Maybe, but there's also something not-quite-right about using things from your first wedding in your next one. GRRRRRRRR. I wish I could get donuts for delivery right now.

I've cut all contacts with social media so that is a good start. Yesterday before that text I actually spent some time going through facebook and hiding/untagging photos with H and I together, so maybe part of me knew what was to come. I'm debating what to do with some of the finances and cell phone plan. Now that he has filed do I move forward with splitting those things up or do I wait and see what happens? The filing fee is not cheap(though not as much as he spent on his cell phone game last month..) so it's hard for me to see him doing that without being very very sure it's what he wants to do (or seeing it through, anyway, even if he's not sure).