I am not sure there is self protection going on with H, but I am not sure there is not either. If I was to guess: I highly doubt this is about grief since he has a good handle on death, generally. I also know or at least 99.99% there is OW.
I cannot get a straight answer out of him as to why we are not having sex but grief is not a reason. Here is what he tells me when I ask:
1)December 2013-Aug 2014: No reasons. I asked about 3 times during this stretch. However, we actually did not have sex from Aug 2013 to Aug 2014 b/c I was on pelvic rest from Aug 2014- Dec 2014. So when I got clearance to have sex again in Dec 2013, I thought H would jump on it/me in an oh yeah baby type of way. .....and, um, no, nana.
I did have a sit down with H in July since it was his b-day month and offered b-day sex and he turned me down. I asked what was going on:including is there OW or was he gay or sick. I was told no to all questions but got no answer.
In Aug, we have sex once, b/c I beg for us to have sex so a year does not go by with out us having sex.
2) Sept: He does not want to have sex and get me pregnant. I tell him I will go on pill or he can use a condom. He says no to both and he will do better.
3) Oct: I am the problem. I am mean and controlling and he can decide when we have sex, which is one of the only things he can decide. So I start meeting his needs (which I was already doing, but OK, I'll validate and let decision away H)
4) Nov: Rewarded for good behavior. H thinks I have been 'great' since the last time I asked for sex and so we have sex. That was it, one time in Nov b/c I asked for it.
5) Early Dec: Performance related. He does not want to disappoint me and have bad time. He will do better. My b-day is in early Dec. No sex on b-day.
6) Dec 29: "Go to Bed". Yes he told me to just go to sleep and that he will "Do better". When I say, "that is what you always say he gets defensive and does a nannienanniebooboo saying "well you do not do what you say all the time."
Anyone, Anyone, Buller, Buller.....why do men not have sex with their wives? I mean, come-on: I am intelligent, self-made success, attractive, main provider for the family, moved mountains for over 6 years to have a baby with my husband and geeeeze, I want to have all kinds of fun in the bedroom with my H and he does not want me.
The only thing I can think of is: During these months: I have been talking as if we are going to have another child and preparing for it: like talking about moving to have more space, nice baby names, having to stop breast feeding to get pregnant. He did not say anything to these comments so I ran with more comments as I got no resistance. So even though he said to me once he did not want more children, I took the non-response as him being open to the idea of another child + it was what I wanted to hear.
...and for a change in topics: I wanted to note here that Vanilla's H1 has triggered something exciting for me as I have been struggling on my GAL ideas. I am going to look into something that connects me to babies or children since I may not have more children.
